last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
