I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize