She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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