I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
