This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
