Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
