Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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