Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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