No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
