Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
