why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
