I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
