Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
