M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
