im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize