based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
