she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
A bitchslap is in order.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
