I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
