Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
