His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
