it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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