just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
