I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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