whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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