fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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