I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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