I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
