they're like a gay fantastic four
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
