Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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