He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
