you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
