I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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