This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
