i just sent this text using only my big toe
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize