I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
