i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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