I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
