there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
