I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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