Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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