I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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