i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
