I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
