i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he was CRYING into my vagina
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
