Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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