somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
a search helicopter?!
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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