I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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