you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
