I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
