I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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