I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Randomize
