I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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