what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
