i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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