You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
