An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
