Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
