i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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