Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
