my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize