What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
