Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
